Surrender Olivia
by heylauren04
Summary: My version of surrender benson ...pg 13 version and the aftermath mostly. I suck at summaries. I hope you enjoy. New chapter - 13 up - ** - Thinking About You Sorry for the delay -writer's block. Please review so I know if I should continue or not
1. Ch 1 - Olivia - Hurt

He was still on me. Or at least that's what it felt like as I went in and out of consciousness.

Why was he here? In my house? How could I be so stupid? I've only been a SVU detective for like 18 years. I should know. I should have known, he'd come after me. I should have had my guard up.

I slowly gaze around the room, as it slowly becomes easier to focus. Where the hell is he? Maybe he left? God, I hope so.

I slowly try to lift myself into a seated position. Shit, my head hurts.

I don't see him or hear him. Maybe he did leave. I try to stand, but my right leg collapses under me. I guess I'll crawl, I think to myself as I make my way behind the counter. Nothing. I decide then to crawl to the bathroom and then the bedroom. Still nothing.

He could come back though. Oh my God. He could be back any second, and I can barely move. Not enough anyway to safely get out of the apartment.

I need help. Shit.

I have never asked for help in my life. Not when _Serena _was beating me as a child. And not when that creep Richard was stalking me. And not after I was attacked as an undercover in a women's prison. No, not ever.

Who could I call though?

Anyone of the boys would help me. No question about that. But it would change how they saw me. No question about that either.

Instead of being seen as one of them; partner in crime, a poker buddy on Saturday night, I will be seen as their little sister, someone they have to protect, rather then someone who has their back in a tight spot.

And not Alex. Not after the way they ended things. Besides, if the man came back when it was just she and Alex, they would both end up as victims. Unless Alex gave him one of her trademark ice queen looks.

Ha! That's funny.

Oh my damn. My ribs must be broken, cos it hurts like hell to laugh. I got to get out of here. Out of MY apartment. Damn, I'm not even safe in my own house.

Who else?

Amanda.

Shit. I don't even think I've ever talked to her about anything else besides a case. I really don't think this is a great way to start a friendship. I don't want to her to see me like this.

Broken.

But I hardly have much of a choice in the matter.

I pick up my cell, to dial the number.

Here goes nothing.

The phone is ringing.

"Hello? Olivia? …Is something wrong…?"

"…..Uh Amanda? I kind of need you …I'm in my apartment. Can you come?"

"Oh …ok, yea sure I'll be right there."

"Amanda?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell anyone at the squad, that you're coming over here."

I hear a pause on the line and then, she asks; "Olivia, …what happened?"

"I've been raped."


	2. Ch 2 Amanda - I'll Rescue You

**Authors Note: Please review for me and tell me how you like it, and if you don't like it, give me helpful suggestions. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy.**Oh yea, I own nothing, in regards to the characters. The story is all mine tho.

Olivia's been raped? What the hey? And why call me of all people?

My head is swirling with questions, as I quickly look through Olivia's desk for her address.

I realize I don't even know where she lives.

Cragen; Cragen would know.

I rush over to his office.

"Hey, Cap? Uh, what's Olivia's address?

"Uh, …why?" I hate when the Cap talks like this, like he knows I'm up to something.

"Well, you know, I uh, we uh, we were making plans to get to know each better; for the good of the squad. Yep. And I just realized, I don't have her address."

Oh god, that was lame.

But in any case Cragen is writing it down for me.

He hands it to me, with a stern look, saying, "I hope that's what's really going on. Rollins, if that girl is in trouble, please tell me. Please."

I yeah him to death, promising to call him, if trouble arises, as I walk-run to my truck.

I feel like crap, lying to the Cap and all that, especially since they are like family to each other, but she called me. For some reason, she wanted me. And I wasn't going to let her down.

I silently say a prayer, as I navigate the traffic.

Please God take care of Olivia.

After what seems like an eternity, I finally get there, and as luck would have it there was a parking spot, almost right in front of the door to her apartment building.

Jumping out of my truck, practically tripping over myself, I ring the buzzer to her apartment, so I can be let in.

No answer.

Try again. No answer.

Shit Olivia. She's probably scared that I'm him, that monster.

I see an old woman coming out of the door, seeing my chance I scream as I hold out my shield. "Police! Hold the door!"

Thankfully, she listens, and I run into the building, sprinting up the stairs, until I hit the 3rd floor.

3D. Where the hell is 3D?!

Pacing down the dimly lit hallway I spot it.

I bang on the door.

"OLIVIA! Olivia! It's me, Amanda! Open up honey!"

"Its unlocked." I heard her say so softly, so broken.

I walk in, and it's a mess. Furniture has been thrown, broken bottles are on the ground, and a lamp has been broken.

And then I see her.

She's on the ground in front of a couch, with a blank expression on her face.

I quietly but quickly walk over to her, bending down to be on her level.

"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry."

I gently move some of her hair off to the side so I can see her face.

It's bruised, so badly. This guy definitely did a number on her.

"What happened Olivia?"

"I came home, like Cragen told me to… and I uh..I guess he, the guy we were questioning was waiting for me, and then he held a gun to me and made me have sex with him. After that, he started punching me and throwing me on the ground."

Olivia is making me nervous, she is not showing any emotion. She's talking about this as if she were discussing a case. She's closing herself off to it.

"What do you want to do? Do you want to go to the station, or the hospital? We can do whatever you want." I ask her softly.

"I don't want the guys to know, I was raped." Olivia says sharply.

Oh, so that's why she called me.

I think for a minute, wondering how I should handle it, when I hear her whisper.

"He said he would be back. You have got to get me out of here."

"Absolutely. We'll go to my truck, parked right outside, then we'll figure out the next steps. Are you able to walk okay?

"Maybe if you help me; my ribs are broken, possibly my right leg. Everything hurts actually."

"Alright, we can try it. Otherwise I can possibly carry you. Lets get you seated on the couch first."

I stand up, facing her, and I put my feet on either side of her. Bending my knees, I slip my hands under her armpits, and I carefully lift her onto the couch.

"Okay are you ready to leave now?"

"Yea, but can you get my cell and keys first? They are on the kitchen counter."

"Sure thing"

I go and look for her bag, which ended up being exactly where she said they would be.

I walk back over to where she is sitting. "Too bad we don't have access to a wheelchair. That would be a lot easier. But here we go; put your arm around my neck and we'll try this."

Slowly I help her get to her feet. It's a slow process, but eventually we make it out her apartment door, into the elevator, and then out the front door.

I open the door to my truck for her, and help her in.

I run over to my side, and jump in. Out of breath I ask her where she would like to go first; the hospital, the police station, or my apartment.

She looks at me with surprise. "Your place?"

"Well sure, I mean I'm sure you don't want to be at your apartment alone at least for awhile. It'll be fun."

She nods slowly as she digests this piece of information, or maybe she's too tired to argue; and I ask her once again where to.

"The hospital, for a rape exam."


	3. Ch 3 - Olivia - The Blame Game

THANKS FOR READING! And yes, I still own nada.

Even though Amanda drives like she's on high-speed chase, I still feel like it's taking forever to get to the hospital. But I know why. I've never been on this side of the equation. The victim's side.

I'm the one the victims come to, when some creep hurts them. I'm supposed to be the hero in this, the one who gets justice for them. Not the one who is looking for justice for herself.

I must have been crying a lot more noticeably then I thought, because Amanda reaches over and squeezes my hand.

"Olivia, I know we don't know each other yet on a personal level, but I'll get you through this. I promise."

"Uh…thanks."

We stay silent the rest of the rest of the trip, as I wonder how that's ever going to happen.


	4. Ch 4 - Amanda - Visiting The Hospital

Note: I still own nothing. Unfortunately.

When we finally arrive at the hospital, I pull up alongside the curb. I jump out, and go get one of the wheelchairs, outside by the automatic doors. I push the wheelchair over to where Olivia is still sitting, and put the breaks on.

I open up her door, and ask her if its okay to use a wheelchair. She reluctantly agrees. I gently ease her into the wheelchair. Slamming the car door shut, we make our way into the ER.

The smells of hospitals, always make me cringe, from the horrible smells, to the memories of coming here when I a teen because of my mom's cancer. But whatever the reason, hospitals are always uncomfortable.

But all of this means nothing, because I had promised to see Olivia through this, and I was not about to break that promise.

Suddenly, a nurse notices us, walks over and asks how can she help us.

"Uh, my friend here needs a rape kit, and someone to look at her injuries."

Pointing to me, the nurse said" Ok, I'm going to need you to fill out some paperwork, and I'll take your friend back to an exam room."

Suddenly Olivia interrupted us, asking if I could come back with her instead. I must have had a deer in the headlights look, because she looked at me and said, "If you don't mind."

"I don't mind."

"Uh, sure, you know what you can fill out the paperwork while you wait for someone." Looking down at some papers she continued "Exam room 3 is open, second room on your left."

I push Olivia's wheelchair down the hallway and into exam room 3. I sit down in one of the empty chairs, next to Olivia.

She looks over at me and says "Amanda, thanks for staying."


	5. Ch 5 Amanda - cont'd - This Is For Real

Ohh yea, I still don't own anything. Don't sue.

I've never seen a rape exam before. I mean, I know that's a weird thing, considering I'm a detective in the sex crimes unit. But I always avoid that part of the case. There is always someone to interview, someone to hunt down, like a rabid dog. I've heard it's the live victims, which will tear you up inside.

And I have no idea what I would do if it was me; if I could ever be okay again.

But here I am; holding a rape victims hand. My friend's hand. I softly whisper to her, that it will be okay we will catch him.

But I wonder to myself if it's possible to keep all these promises I have made today, to all these people.


	6. Ch 6 - Olivia - Please Don't Tell

WARNING: Rape exam details are in here; please do not read if you are unsure about it. Skip ahead, to ch 7

I have never seen a rape exam so I might be leaving stuff out. Sorry.

Ohh yea, I still don't own anything. Don't sue.

Any rape exam is pretty straightforward. The rape victim takes off the clothes that were worn during the attack, and they are bagged. Once the victim is completely undressed, the lights are turned off, and a special blue flashlight is shone over him or her, and a nurse carefully examines them for any strands of hair, or any other bodily items, which could possibly belong to the attacker.

After every inch of the body is examined under this light, the regular lights are turned back on, and the victim puts on a hospital gown.

The victim is then asked to lie down on the bed, with her feet in stirrups, for the remainder of the exam.

The nurse looks in the anal cavity for signs that was a struggle during the intercourse, and for any other fluid, hair or DNA, which the attacker might have inadvertently left behind.

Finally, its done. The nurse looks at me, like she's patronizing me. She finally says "I'll bring the evidence down the hall, to the police officers stationed down there. Then I'll be back with some pills, and a shot for hepatitis B."

I quickly point to Amanda, and say sharply "We are both police officers, she will take custody of the evidence."

Amanda who looks bewildered says, "I will?"

She will, I repeat.

When the nurse finally leaves after Amanda signs off on the release, I turn to her and say "Thanks. I still don't know what I want to do yet, and I definitely don't want the boys to know. Please keep it a secret?"

She nods, but I can tell she is unsure of the promise she just made me.


	7. Ch 7 - A- Picking Up The Broken Pieces

But I promised her. So for now, I'll keep it. Until I can't.

The nurse comes and goes, with a few pills; HIV, birth control, some other stuff and a hepatitis B shot for Olivia.

A doctor comes in, examines her, and says Olivia has broken her right leg and arm, and she has a few broken ribs to top it off.

Terrific.

He sets her leg and arm in casts, and wraps her ribs tightly in gauze.

Oh good, I think to myself, she can move less now, then she could when we first came in. If she was in a bad mood before, I can only imagine what the next few weeks will be like. The doctor tells Olivia that she will have to stay in the hospital until her injuries heal, unless she has someone to help her.

I quickly say "She will be staying with me in my apartment."

The doctor nods, finishes scribbling notes onto a clipboard, looks up and says to Olivia. "I have signed off on your discharge papers. A nurse will be back in to get you a wheelchair you can borrow as well as a crutch. Sign off on these papers, and the nurse will collect them."

The doctor leaves, and I turn to Olivia asking her if she wants help.

"With?" She asks me with an attitude.

"You know whatever, signing the papers, getting dressed, whatever you need."

"_I_ am not completely helpless." She shoots back.

"Hey, of course not." I calmly reply, holding my hands up like I'm surrendering. "But you are going to need some help. You are not going to be able to walk easily for a while. And I assume getting dressed is going to hurt, with broken ribs. I am here to help you a little. It'll be fun staying with me. We'll get to know each other better, and it'll be nice to have some company again. And most importantly you'll be safe. My dog, Miley, is great, she won't let anyone hurt you."

"I guess." She replies and gives a little sigh, and then she winces, from the pain. "Thanks."


	8. Ch 8 O- Stubbornnes Runs In The Family

Still own nothing except the story.

After I finally agree to let Amanda help me get dressed, I realize that this might be a little difficult to do without help. Maybe if just my arm was broken or just my leg but since are broken, everything is a lot more complicated.

I'm definitely going to kill him when I recover.

The nurse comes in finally, with a wheelchair, and a crutch, and I hand her my signed paperwork.

Finally I get to leave this place.

Thank God.

Sitting up in the bed, I reach for the crutch with my good hand, and Amanda rushes over to help me, and helps me stand, while supporting me on the other side. Slowly I hobble over to the wheelchair, and I ease myself in.

I whisper an embarrassed thank you as she goes to help me position the crutch in front of me and she walks behind me to push the wheelchair, and she just says yea, no problem.

Amanda pushes me out of the room, and into a very busy ER.

Doctors and nurses are rushing back and forth, shouting orders, and we narrowly miss a critically injured man, being rushed in by medics. Quickly Amanda moves my wheelchair out of the emergency room, and into the blaring sunlight.

Amanda crouches down beside me and says "I'll go move the truck closer to you." I just nod. She puts the breaks on my wheelchair and runs over to her truck.

Amanda brings the truck over, jumps out, comes over, and crouches by my feet. "I'll help you move the feet rests." After that she helps me shift forward in the wheelchair, I position the crutch under my left arm, and I brace myself on Amanda, as I slowly stand, and I hobble over to the truck. She helps me in and slams the door.

Once Amanda gets in on her side, she breathlessly asks me if I want to go back to her house.

Not wanting to be rude about her offer, but still wanting to maintain some dignity, I say, "Maybe I don't need to stay at your place. I'll be ok. If I need you, I'll call. Promise.

Amanda slowly looks at me like I have two heads and says. "Seriously? Really Liv. You wouldn't make it more than an hour or two. You need help. It's okay to need help, to accept help. I know all about getting help. I won't judge you. So will you please come?...Don't make me beg. I'm not above it.

To get her to shut up I agree, but maintain that it's going to be a short stay.

"Sure, whatever you want." Amanda says, humoring me, as she pulls away from the curb, and heads toward the apartment.

Oh good, this should be fun, I sarcastically think to myself.


	9. Ch 9 - Olivia - A - Driving Miss Cranky

I own nothing..it all belongs to NBC.

Thanks for reading! - BTW - sorry for the delay - writer's block

The ride to my home was interesting, to say the least. I tried making small talk; I tried talking about the weather, my greyhound Miley, anything to try to get Olivia to warm up to me.

Looking over at her, with quick glances, while still paying attention to the road, I got nothing. Absolutely no response.

Unless you count the long exaggerated sighs, and the eye rolling, as she looked out the window, onto the apartments we passed by.

Great. This should be a ton of fun. I thought sarcastically. This trip is taking forever. But then she spoke.

"This is not the first time I've been raped."

This is not the kind of conversation I was thinking about. I thought to myself. And then she continued.

"I was raped undercover. In a prison for women, a crooked guard attacked me."

Olivia looks over at me, as I quickly glance at her, while still trying to focus on driving. I can see that there was sadness in her eyes; the same sadness I see in her eyes, when she talks to the victims. No wonder, she gets so involved with each victim.

"Fin caught him, just as he was pulling up his pants, so I never told anyone I was raped. I just said that he tried to."

"Why wouldn't you tell anyone? The guys would have been supportive. Cragen loves you like a daughter."

" I didn't want anyone to know. It's really uncomfortable for me to talk about my personal life with anyone. My mother was abusive to me too. The squad knows, but they don't know the extent of it. No one does."

I was about to ask her more about the abuse. When she spoke once more.

"So now we're all caught up. No more questions about it, please."

"Okay." I wasn't really sure about agreeing to all of this, I thought as I tried to navigate us out of the heavy NYC traffic.

So many questions ran through my mind; why did Olivia tell me she was raped, both times, and only tell me? How was I ever going to help her heal emotionally, if she was never going to talk to me? What was I supposed to tell the squad tomorrow, regarding Olivia's absence? I am pretty sure that girl never took a vacation day, unless a superior officer ordered it. And the most obvious question; how were going to make it, living together indefinitely, when we are barely on speaking terms?

As we sat in the traffic, that was now a standstill, I looked over at Olivia. She was asleep. Those pain pills, the doctor had given her, had finally kicked in.

Secretly I was relieved; figuring out what was the wrong or right thing to say to her was definitely a challenge.

Becoming frustrated with the traffic situation, I loudly beeped my truck's horn a few times. Startled, Olivia woke up. Sheepishly, I apologized, murmuring something about a road rage issue.

But for the first time, I swear I saw a small grin, and then she moved around a little, and went back to sleep.

Thankfully, the traffic began to slowly move again, and we slowly made it the apartment, twenty minutes later.

I live on the lower east side, but even down here there are no parking spots near where you want them to be.

Driving around the block, looking around for a parking space today proved to be no exception, since it was the middle of the day on a weekend; and then there was the little thing, of me being unable to parallel park, without hitting anything. But then I noticed a two-spots open, right next to each other, on the other side of the block.

Not wanting to miss my chance, I hit the gas, and moved into the spot with ease.

I looked over at Olivia, who was now soundly asleep. I wondered how I should wake her up, when she began to stir.

"Hey, Olivia? We're here."

Thanks again for reading! - Please comment ...


	10. Ch 10 - O - Awkward Conversations

I was soundly asleep when I felt the truck jolt to a stop. I slowly opened my eyes, to the blaring sunlight, and Amanda staring at me.

"Hey Olivia? We're home."

" Oh God." Is all I could muster out.

"Well I could've been all gangster and been like; Yo, yo, yo, we up in my hood." Amanda says as she's waving her arms around. "Or I could've been super annoying, and tapped you repeatedly, saying Olivia, until you woke up. Or better up I could've crept on you like this." Amanda puts her face super close to mine and screams. "WAKE UP!"

"Never do that again."

"Hey, sometimes you have to do, what you have to do. I'll go get the wheelchair from the back for you."

I see Amanda from the rearview mirror, heading to the back of the pickup truck, opening the back door, and pulling out my folded wheelchair. She pulls it open to its upright position and rolls it over to my side, putting the brakes on. Opening my door for me, she helps me slide into the wheelchair, and undoes the brakes.

Amanda apologizes as she pushes my wheelchair up a ramp in the sidewalk, and then down the sidewalk. "My apartment is on the other side of this block; this is as close as I could get us."

"It's fine, thanks Amanda. I really appreciate this."

"My apartment building has an elevator, since it has six stories, so it'll be easy to get you in and out of the building."

Amanda pushes me a little further, makes a left, and then makes another left a few more minutes later.

"Well, this is it. My building. We have to go through the basement to get to the elevator though."

Amanda turns my wheelchair around, and slowly inches me down a steep ramp, into what apparently was a basement. I guess it was mostly used for garbage storage, because it smelt horrible, like rotten eggs.

She backed me out of the basement, and into a dimly lit hallway, we turned into the hallway right smack where the elevator was. When the doors opened, she backed me into the elevator and pressed the 4. The elevator went up to the fourth floor, and I was wheeled once again out into another dimly lit hallway. We made a left, until we reached 4E.

Amanda, unlocked her door, and then pushed me in. In the three years I've known her, I have never been to her apartment; actually I had no idea where she even lived to be honest. The apartment was bare, to say the least. It looked more like it was kept for a model apartment, and less like it was someone's home. The kitchen was a cramped kitchenette, with the essentials but nothing unnecessary; definitely not enough room for more than one person at a time in there.

On the other side of the kitchenette were two stools, which I assumed was the kitchen/ dining room table. The living room was right when you walked in, it had a door on the left side of it, which I assumed, led to the bathroom, or a bedroom, then there was a door which led to something else, probably the master bedroom. The living room itself was plain and basic; a black leather couch with a throw on it, a coffee table in front, and a small TV in front of that which was sitting on a small rectangular bookcase. Miley her dog, was laying on the couch. The bookshelf had a few books on it and a handful of DVD's as well.

"Uh yea." Amanda said slowly. "It's a little bare, I know. I don't spend a lot of time here. Mostly for sleep, maybe a quick bite, here and there. I play with Miley outside in the parks. I rather be outside. Let me show you the bedroom."

With Miley following us, Amanda pushed my wheelchair again to the door on the right. Inside was a king sized bed.

"My only real indulgence, since moving to NY." Amanda explained. I just nodded.

The comforter was a white fluffy cotton set, probably made with Down Feathers. Across from the bed, was a tall mahogany dresser, and a smaller closet was on the right side of the bed.

Amanda walks over to the bed, and sits down across from and says. "There's a small bathroom to the left of the closet, but we probably can't get your wheelchair in there. But there's a full bathroom on the other side of the living room, which will be easier for you to get in and out of. You can sleep in the bed while you're here. I'll sleep on the couch.

I interrupted. "Amanda no. It's your house. I'll sleep on the couch."

" The couch is fine for me. I've slept in lot worse places than on a leather couch. It'll be easier for you with a broken leg and arm."

"It is a king bed." I added. "Maybe we can share the bed."

"Seriously? Are you going to be okay with that?"

"Yea, then we can both be comfortable."

"Alright, if your sure. I have to find you clothes or something to wear while you're here. You can't wear those scrubs, every day, while you're here. Would a nightgown and sweatshirt be okay? It'll be easier for you to get on and off."

"Yea, thanks."

Amanda walks over to the dresser and starts rummaging through the drawers. "Here this might be good."

It's a blue and white striped nightgown and a gray sweatshirt that says Paris, with an image of the Eiffel Tower under it.

"Here, I'll help you get into it. Amanda says.

She helps me to my feet, to take off the pants, and then helps me sit back down. She leaves the room so I can take off the other clothes, and put the pajamas on myself.

I think to myself sooner or later I'm going to have to get around by myself, and I attempt to wheel myself out of the bedroom. It's pretty much a failed attempt. My right arm is useless, I can't grab the wheel with my cast and just turning the left wheel, just wheels me in circles. Miley barks. This sucks.

As I am figuring out how to wheel myself out of here, I hear Amanda behind me.

"Do you want some help?"

" I guess. I might as well get used to being helped."

A little while later, while watching TV, Amanda asked me if I was ok with take out. "I don't cook at all." "Yea that's fine." I agreed. "Once I can get around easier, I'll cook for us."

An hour later, after stuffing ourselves with a wide assortment of Chinese food, and awkward conversation, we decided to go to bed since Amanda had work early tomorrow.

After getting ready for bed, and climbing into bed, I reminded Amanda not to tell anyone.

"I mean it Amanda, not a word. Say I went on vacation, anything. I have paid leave for over two months time. Don't do it."

Amanda looks over at me, hesitating.

"Amanda, I swear if you…"

"Alright, alright, I won't."

But I can tell that she is unsure of this. But I have to trust her right now. I have no choice.

**Thanks for reading, and reviewing. **


	11. Ch 11 - Amanda - The Third Degree

Note- I chose Miley as the dog's name because I forgot what Amanda's dogs name was and I like the name Miley, and Miley Cyrus – Thanks for the feedback –reviews – Thanks for reading –

I can't believe that Olivia Benson is sleeping next to me; in my bed. How many times have I dreamed of this happening? Like a million; only the circumstances were a bit different the way I imagined them.

Rollins, this is not the time to hit on her; definitely not.

I have loved this girl since I walked into the squad room for the first time, and I saw her. She was absolutely perfect, from her hair, to her personality; especially her personality.

But I could never get her to talk to me except about cases. From hearing the Captain talk, I knew she kept to herself for the most part, quoting rabbit holes, which she goes down occasionally which worry him.

And except for him, and her old partner, I don't think she ever gets close to anyone. Putting everyone at arms length makes her feel safe I suppose. I heard that they are the only real family she has ever had.

What I would do to have her be able to confide in me, get her to trust me?

This is my chance, my only chance, to gain her trust. If I blow this, I can forget about her ever talking to me again.

And for now, that means I have to put sex with her, and wedding bells, and every other goofy dream I've had of her in the back of my mind. No matter if it kills me.

I can't be just another one in her life who disappoints her, promises her something, and goes behind her back and does the complete opposite. I have to be her knight in shining armor. Whatever she needs, day by day, I'll take care of it for her. If I really love her, I'll focus on her needs not my own selfish needs.

But that reminds me, tomorrow morning; I'm on duty again. The Captain, Fin, Munch and Armaro, are all going to want to know where the hell she is. And I KNOW that they are not going to buy Olivia's story that she is on vacation. In 15 years of working there, she has never been on vacation, unless it was ordered.

And I am a horrible liar, especially under pressure. And the pressure will be on full force from all directions tomorrow.

I am really not looking forward to tomorrow. It's going to be messy, and people will get hurt. No doubt in my mind about that. I'm in a no win situation, but Olivia means more to me than work, or anything else, except my dog.

Looking over at the clock on the nightstand, I notice that is now, after 2 in the morning.

I need to sleep, all the sleep I can get before tomorrow.

The alarm rings much to early in the morning, in my opinion. But I have to get up now, or I'll never get to the squad room in time.

I quickly turn off my alarm, as to not wake Olivia, and jump in the shower, to try and wake up.

After my shower, I try to be quiet as I search through drawers, looking for suitable clothes for work.

I should have done this last night, as I accidently bang my knee against one of the open drawers.

I sheepishly turn towards Olivia, as she begins to stir in our bed.

"So sorry, I'll be done soon."

Turning back towards the dresser, I grab a pair of dress pants, and a white t-shirt, and I quietly start to walk out of the bedroom. Then I remember something.

"Hey, Olivia?" I called.

"Yea."

"Are you going to be okay here by yourself? There are take-out menus in one of the drawers in the kitchen. The only thing is, are you going to be able to get in and out of the wheelchair by yourself?"

Olivia tiredly said, "I'll be fine. I'll probably sleep a majority of the time, at least for the first week. If I need you, I'll call you."

Worriedly, I said, "Well, if you're sure."

"Yes, and it'll be suspicious if we both don't show up for work, Cragen will send out a search party to our apartments. Trust me, he's done it before."

"Ok, cell's on. Call no matter what if you need me."

"Yea, I'm going back to sleep."

I crept out of the room, making sure I had my cell phone and keys, before I closed the door.

Going into the living room, I glanced at the clock, seeing the time, I realized I was running out of time. I threw my clothes on, put my hair in a messy ponytail, grabbed a possibly stale poptart, and I ran out the front door.

Making sure the door was securely locked; I turned and ran down the four flights of stairs, and out of the building. Half walking, half running, I made my way to my truck on the other side of my block.

Reaching my truck, I unlocked it, jumped in, and started the truck.

Pulling out of my parking space, I made my way to the precinct, in the congested NYC traffic.

Almost twenty minutes later, I arrived, seeing a parking space, in the parking lot across the precinct, I quickly drove over to it, and pulled in. Jumping out of my truck, and locking it, I run through the parking lot, and glancing in the road for cars, I sprint across the street.

In the precinct, I wait with others who are also about to be late for work; thankfully the elevator comes, and I ask an officer to press the 5th floor, the floor for SVU.

A minute or two later the elevator stops, and I step out. Glancing around, I don't see the captain, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

Calm down Rollins, the Captain can smell fear.

Rushing over to my desk, I sit down, and pretend to look through paperwork, as if I have been there for a lot longer.

"Hey Amanda. How's it going?" My partner Fin greets me.

"Good." I quickly say as I try to decipher what was placed on my desk while I was gone.

Fin continues, "I'm worried about Liv. She hasn't been in the squad room in three days, ever since we had to let that creep go, she's been MIA. Have you heard anything? I mean its not like you two are close or anything, but its worth asking."

"Yes Amanda, have you heard from her?" Jumping out of the chair, I see it's the Captain, listening in.

Yea, that's not all creepy.

Feeling lightheaded, and a bit nauseous, I answer. "Uh, she uh, decided to finally use some of those vacation days she has. You know, the ones that she never uses."

"Oh good. She finally listened to me for once. Why didn't she call it in?"

This is too much stress for me. "I'm not sure. Uh, when I went to her apartment she said she had changed her mind, about getting together, and was going to leave for a bit. Uh, she didn't say where, and I guess she forgot about calling you, to let you know."

"How long, is she planning on being out for?" Fin asked.

"Maybe a few weeks."

"Why would she tell you, and not one of us?" Amaro asked me, obviously suspicious of my story.

Great, leave it to one of the resident paranoid detectives, to punch holes in my already weak story.

Defensively, I say, "I don't know, I just happened to be there, when she left."

"Alright, enough of discussing Olivia's personal life." The Captain said gruffly. "Amaro, go down to lineup, and get Mr. Burns, we have to question him more about what he knows about those prostitutes who were murdered last week. Fin, go down and see Munch, he's getting a squad car; he'll fill you in down there. Rollins, my office, now!"

So I guess the Captain didn't buy my story.

I follow him to his office, praying for help from up above, the whole way there.

Cragen holds open the door for me, and then lets it slam. I take this as a sign that he is not happy.

"Look Captain…I…" I say, trying to appease him, as he goes to sit at his desk.

"Save it. I want the truth this time."

Still unwilling to betray my Olivia, I insist. "That was the truth."

Slamming his fist, on the table, he roars. "Dammit Rollins! That girl is like a daughter to me, if you are keeping something from me, you have a lot of nerve! You have been acting suspicious since yesterday afternoon, with your wanting her address." Softening, he asked me one more time. "Please tell me what is going on? Is she hurt? If she is, I need to help her. Please."

The Captain looked so hurt, but I still couldn't let down Olivia. What to do?

Slowly and carefully, as to not let something slip, I repeat. "She is good, for right now. She did leave her apartment, and is taking some time off, when she is up to it she will return to work. If I hear that she needs something, you will be the first one to hear about it. Okay?"

I hope it was. And it was the truth. Well, almost all the truth. I just left out the major details.

"Yea, I suppose for now anyway." He said tiredly, as he turned his chair towards the window.

"I'll go catch up with Amaro." I say quickly before the Captain can ask me anything else.

Wondering how Olivia was doing, and if my day could get any worse, I began my search for Amaro.

One hour down, seven more to go.

THanks For Reading!


	12. Ch 12 - Olivia - It's safe here

Note- I don't own anything except this story…Alternate universe...

I don't know about you but tonight's episode was tough to watch…Mariska delivered an amazing performance….

PS- I have the stomach flu so this is all I could do for right now - I hope you like it - I promise it'll b longer next time

After Amanda left, I went back to a sound sleep.

"Olivia, its not time for sleeping. Get UP!" Lewis is in my face once again, as I lay on the living room floor.

He jerks me up, so I am leaning on the couch for support. Everything is so blurry.

"What's the matter? You seemed so interested in what I do to women in the interrogation room. Its not so fun to be on the other side is it?"

I feel him kick my ribs, once again.

"Is it?!" He roars, as he picks me up and throws me on the ground, I hear my leg crack, and I pass out.

I wake up sweating.

Just a dream. It's just a dream, I remind myself. I'm safe, in Amanda's apartment.

Safe. Such a weird word for me to use; to need someone else. I keep others safe, not the other way around. I've never depended on anyone before. Every time I've had a problem, I've kept it to myself. I never even talked to Elliot, about my problems, just on an as needed basis, it was mostly listening to him talk about his problems.

Its no secret that I have trust issues. I have never gone out more than three dates with a guy before. It always got to personal too fast. I need to be alone. I can't be with people. My mother taught me with the abuse, that if you trust people they would eventually hurt you. If my own mother could hurt me, what would the rest of the world do?

Images of a hot iron on my skin, a smack on my backside with a belt, came to mind. No I can't think about that now too.

I like being alone, living alone, not getting close to others, its safe.

But why did I tell her all that information? It took years of building a relationship with Elliot and Don before they found out my history. And even then, it took a lot of pushing on their part to get me to open up. And then it was minor details.

And Amanda and I aren't exactly close. No, she and I have talked to each other more in the past two days, then in the entire three years we worked together.

Maybe I knew she wouldn't tell.

No it was more than that.

I keep coming back to that word. Safe. She's safe. She knows this weakness is temporary. I'll be back to my old self soon enough.

After all, we have similar history.

Parents, who don't act like parents; and learning to be independent at a young age, not relying on others to take care of you.

Watching her mother her sister, reminded me of having to mother my own mother.

She understood, not wanting to be seen as weak; and to be seen instead as someone who could be in charge, and not fall apart.

The others don't.

They all had nice childhoods. Childhoods filled with Christmas, the Easter Bunny, and huge birthdays parties. Of playing outside all day in the summer, and getting help with homework.

They had no idea what it was like to wake up on Christmas Day with no tree or presents, just your mom getting drunk, and telling you, she should have had an abortion. Or of never having friends over, because you knew your house wasn't like your friends houses. And the idea of keeping to yourself, because you are too embarrassed, about what goes on in your house, afraid of what might happen if people knew.

No long explanation needed. Just oh, yeah, I understand.

She'll understand keeping something like being raped a secret. Of not being seen as weak in front of too many people.

Anyway, I won't be here long. My leg should heal in less than four weeks. I'll find a new apartment, move out, and we can forget this all even happened.

I can't sleep anymore right now. I should try and get out of bed, and start my day.


	13. Ch 13 - Amanda - Thinking About You

**Note: I don't own anything, except the story. Unfortunately. Thanks for reading, and sorry for the delay, writer's block. **

**But tonight's episode unblocked it. Who else thinks Olivia looked hot in her uniform?**

**Hope you enjoy.**

Six hours into work, and I could not stop thinking about her. I almost called her, too, a few times. Only to see how she was doing of course, not like I wanted to hear her voice or anything like that.

Having her in my apartment has made me realize how much happier I am when she is around me. Since I've moved here from Georgia, I've been a lot happier.

The gambling and drinking problems, have slowly shifted away, and have been replaced. For a while I didn't know the reason why. But now I know.

I reach into my pocket, and call her cell. Oh crap, it's dialing.

"Hi, its Liv. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you."

"Hi, its Amanda. I uh, just wanted to see how you were. And uh, you know, see if you needed anything…so yea; give me a call when you can. See you later."

I hope she is ok, I thought to myself as I try to finish up the paperwork on my desk.

"So you like? I bought it just for you." Liv says to me as she climbs up on my bed, wearing a see through nightgown. "I do like it."

And with that, she climbs up on top of me, straddling me, leaning down to kiss me.

"Hey Amanda!"

I snapped out of my trance, and noticed Fin who was sitting at his desk, was trying to get my attention.

"Hey, what's up?"

"You tell me. Dreaming about your little girlfriend again?"

"What!? No! I don't have a girlfriend."

As Fin glances at his pen, twirling it around in the air he says, "Maybe not right now, but there is a certain girl, you've got the hots for… A certain girl we both work with."

Trying to play it cool, I say. "Who Olivia? No, no way. I work with her. I couldn't."

Laughing Fin says, " Yea Olivia, its kind of obvious, sweetheart. I've never seen anyone jump so fast to go look at a dead body, then when Olivia asks who's going with her. Its cool, my son is gay. I'm surprised you've made it this far, through the day, without calling her."

He looks over at my beet red face, and says, "So you did call her, then? Oh well, you lasted most of the day."

Glancing at his pen, which he is still playing with, he asks me "Do you want some advice, friend to friend?"

I say yes, and he says, "I have had a lot of girlfriends, over the years, and even though, they've all ended pretty badly; I wouldn't take back a single moment. Life is short. Take the plunge, so they say. Kiss her, or tell her how you feel, or hell, do both. But just do something. Do something, or you'll spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been, instead of what is."

"Okay, I guess I could after work."

Fin has a confused look on his face "You mean, when she gets back?"

"Right, that's what I meant. When she gets back. So I probably finish up my paperwork, so we can leave at a decent hour." He agrees, and we get started on the massive amount of paperwork on our desks.

7 o'clock rolls around pretty quick, and we both are pretty much finished with the paperwork.

Fin, throws down his pen in exhaustion, and asks me if I want to go out somewhere, before heading home.

I politely decline, using my dog needing to go out as an excuse.

"Okay, no problem. Rain check?"

"Definitely."

"Okay, sounds good. And Amanda, remember my advice. See you Monday."

"See ya." I yell, as I quickly cross the street to where my truck is parked.

I climb up into the truck, start the engine, and after a few minutes of letting it warm up, I am on my way home.

To Olivia.

Olivia is in my apartment.

I can't kiss her. Not right now anyway. Can I?

She has been through hell, in the past few days. To kiss her, is to give her one more thing to stress about, which would not be fair.

But on the other hand, Fin did say life is short.

No I can't.

She needs to know she is safe in my apartment. That there is at least one place in NYC she's safe in. With at least one person, she can count on.

Even if not being with her like the way I want kills me.

On the longest drive ever home, or at least it seems like it, I finally arrive on my block.

No spots open. No spots at all.

A Spot!

I quickly make my move, and try to make my truck fit in the parallel space. Score!

Putting my truck in park, and then turning off the engine, I grab my bag, and jump out of my truck.

Locking my truck electronically, I head towards my apartment.

Letting myself in the front door, I head towards the elevator. The elevator finally gets to my floor, and I go out, turning the corner into my front door.

Fumbling for the keys, I finally get the right key, and unlock the two locks on my door.

Walking, in, I smell something. Something good. Food. Italian food, to be exact.

Walking over by the living room, I see I now have a kitchen table. It's a small wooden table, pushed over by the counter, but it'll work.

Olivia looks up from one of the kitchen chairs, with a smile on her face.

"I hope you don't mind, but I got you a table from IKEA."

"I see, how did you get it here? You didn't leave did you?"

Olivia laughs, shaking her head. "No, I can barely get around here. I ordered it online, they ship same day, and then some guys set it up for me. Oh, and I ordered Italian food. Pastas, a meatball sub, and some garlic bread."

"Really? Huh, so you had a busy day." I notice that the table is set, with some tablecloth, I'm sure I didn't buy.

"And you were okay, with letting strange guys in the apartment? You weren't scared or anything?"

"Well I mean I was, but I wanted to do something nice for you. You know, since you are doing all this for me."

"It's really nice. Thank you. But you don't have to worry about doing stuff like this for me. I want to help you. No strings attached."

"Well thank you. Come and sit, the food is getting cold." She urges me, and points to the chair next to her.

"Oh, I ordered wine too. Its in the fridge." She struggles to get up, and I motion her to sit.

"I'll get it."

I probably shouldn't drink, especially considering who I have staying with me; but its one glass. It'll be okay. I can keep myself under control. I hope, I think to myself as I grab the wine from the fridge, and wine glasses from a cabinet.

Sitting back down, I pour a glass for me, and another for her.

We both make a plate for ourselves, and bite into the delicious food.

For the next hour, or so we talked and talked, like we had known each other all out lives.

We talked about our not so nice childhoods, and the bullshit our parents had put us through. We talked about the job, and what we liked to do on the weekends. Just everything in the universe, which you would want to tell your closest friend.

And during that conversation, I had more than one glass of wine, more like five.

"Well that was delicious. Thank you for everything Olivia." I say slurring my words.

"Wow, you are really drunk, Amanda."

"And you know what Olivia? I kinda love you." I tell her, in my drunken stupor.

And then, I kiss her.

**I hope you like. New Chapter tomorrow . Thanks for Reading!**


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